We have all, at one point, desperately asked our closest girl friends to set us up with the cute co-worker and the ever-elusive hot cousin. Some of us have also endlessly cruised the bars and clubs hoping for that hook-up which would hopefully lead to the next serious relationship. But when all else fails, there’s always online dating!
To those who have yet to try online dating, here’s a “guide”, a character map if you will, of the gey stereotypes you will encounter in any gay dating site!
The profile Pinocchio. This person creates a dating profile which is almost anyone’s perfect guy. Height: 6 feet, 2 inches. Occupation: Lawyer. General appearance: Gym-built body. But the moment you meet each other, disappointment sets in. Height: 5 feet, 8 inches. Occupation: Paralegal. General appearance: Gym-built… back in 1995. Beware of these people. If they can lie about their dating profiles, then just imagine what they’re capable of. Does Jeffrey Dahmer ring a bell?
The too perfect but too far guy. This guy is genuinely good-looking. A perfect mix of style and sense, his dating profile is honest and just overall attractive. Reading his “About Me” section makes you hear wedding bells. But here’s the catch: he lives a thousand miles away. Will you pay for a round-trip plane ticket for a “might-be promising” date? Yeah, didn’t think so.
The guy who loves his family just a bit too much. A guy who loves his family is a plus for most people but not when he posts his kid’s or (gasp!) his mother’s photo as his profile photo. Single dads are hot, you know they’ve been around the block but they might come with an emotional baggage as heavy as their midlife crisis. When you see this profile, keep scrolling.
The speed racer. Wanting to be in a commitment is a good thing but not when he’s trying too hard, too fast. It’s so suffocating having a guy call you “baby” just after a couple of anonymous e-mails. A healthy relationship can’t be built in a day, you know.
The “It’s Complicated” guy. Nothing is complicated. You’re either in a relationship or not. This guy is stuck in a relationship and is just looking for the tiniest bit of excitement (your ass). Move along guys.
The self-esteem assassin. This guy picks on you. He says he’s not interested but he keeps flirting with you, shooting down your advances and your self-esteem just to boost his. What’s worse is this is his modus and when you’re feeling down in the dumps, he’d go in for the kill and hook up with you and then you’d never hear from him again… until the day comes when he needs something to pick himself back up again. You want to add an extra pound of pointless tears to your emotional baggage? Go ahead, flirt with him.
The sugar daddy. He made his first million during his early thirties… right around the same time Janis Joplin gave Leonard Cohen the most sung-about head in history. He’d offer you clothes, sexy underwear and even jewelry… but for a price. Afterwards, you’d be cast off once his new gigolo date.
But don’t let this small list scare you. There are plenty of nice guys looking for love and a good time online. You just have to keep a keen eye out for them.
And when you found that person online, how about spending some time in one of Florida’s famous clothing-optional resorts? Spend a fun weekend together with spa treatments and with no clothes on at the Cabanas Guesthouse and Spa!